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Heart2Heart

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More times than often,  female folk fail to realize that communication with male counterparts goes beyond getting to know each other, the exchange of sweet words, kisses and eventually, pillow talk. Or that the Law of Attraction is not always fixated on dazzling eyes, a charming smile, perceived charisma or top-notch curves.  The birth of sapiosexuality was strung from the male perspective, I believe,  where the man wants to know what this breathtaking, drop-dead gorgeous lady has more to offer than looks. What is her intellectual stance on everyday matters? How does she handle situations when they arise? Can he be proud to communicate with her all day, every day and anywhere?

This is not merely limited to relationship and marriage compositions. It extends to communication between friends, siblings and even mother-son communication. A man sees himself as a man despite the relationship status. He can set aside several communication flaws for the sake of maintaining peace and serenity until the straw that broke the camel’s back is released, and all hell breaks loose.

How then can this be curbed? Let’s dive right in with this guide:

1. After a long day at work

 Your man comes back from the office looking stressed out and tired. How do you communicate with him?

There is a popular claim in some social circles that men don’t emotionally cheat. Men are sexual beings, they say. They keep it physical, all the way. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

A man will seek emotional solace elsewhere if he’s not getting it “at home”. He will search for a listening ear, a woman who “gets” him, to open up to. To some, this can be even more devastating, because a one night stand remains just that – a one night stand. Even regular sex might have no love ties. But once the heart’s involved, things can be tricky.

And yes… sexting and the likes? They fall under this category as well.

Read on for signs that your significant other is in an emotional affair:

1. He has been emotionally distant lately: This is usually the first sign of an emotional affair; a sign many women sadly miss when super busy with life. Has he been acting more withdrawn than usual? Does he barely respond during conversations, or show love and care? If your answers are yes and yes, something may be awry.

2. He is secretive with his phone: You probably know this by now but phone calls, Whatsapp messages and texts are just some of the ways men use to connect with other women. So if he’s acting unusually secretive with his phone or other mobile devices, something might be up.

3. He’s more active on his phone than usual: From chatting once in awhile to chatting almost all the time? Definitely a sign to watch for.

The friend zone.

It’s the one place many ladies can relate to dreading big time. You meet this great guy. He’s smart, fine and you are really REALLY into him.  But just as you start to dream up baby names, Uncle makes it known (consciously or not) that you’re “just a friend”. And to make matters worse, he’s considering other girls and wants your input!

It’s time to get out of that zone and make your happy ever after come true. Read on for a step-by-step guide on what to do:

Step 1: Gauge where you are

First things first, Honesty. You need to come clean with yourself and understand the situation YOU have put yourself in.

Yes, take responsibility for your actions. You have slowly and steadily made decisions that haven’t worked in your favor with this guy. Maybe you’ve been too friendly versus flirty.  Now, he has come to see you as “one of the guys”. Or maybe you’ve allowed him to “friend-zone” you deliberately, setting a boundary without your agreement. Admittance is the first step to recovery, so once this is done, rejoice because you are well on your way.

It’s beautiful to watch a love story unfold. It’s even more beautiful to know that you’re the mastermind behind it! That’s why, these days, many ladies engage in the fun art that is matchmaking! In case you’re thinking of dabbling in it yourself, here are some important tips to think of:

Make sure you ask for permission:…if not, you may possibly face the wrath of an angry friend. Not every lady likes surprise hookups, you know, especially if she’s not exactly searching. So do yourself a favour, just ask if your matchmaking antics are cool with her.

Do your research: It’s not enough to get two good looking people together. Make sure they’re compatible with some work on your part. If you’re just meeting the guy for the first time, check his social media to confirm what his interests are and if they align with your friend’s. Also worth noting are his values; what gets him up and going in life, and what boundaries he won’t cross.

We asked a small group of Nigerian women to share the most annoying statements/questions they’ve had thrown their way. Maybe you can relate:

1. “You’ve added weight” / “Your tummy is bigger. Are you pregnant?”

Unfortunately, some people feel the need to point out bigger tummy, cheeks, thighs, and the likes, and at the worst times too. You’d think that’s where it’ll stop, but no. A small percentage then take things a step further and offer unsolicited advice on how to lose said weight. Unnecessary deals!

2. “Why aren’t you married?”/ “When are you going to get married?”

It’s questions like these two that add unnecessary pressure on single women folk to get married. When and why a woman decides to get married should ideally be her concern, and hers alone. It’s that simple.

The social media-sphere is buzzing with talk of Toke Makinwa’s Whatsapp Call video. In it, she explained that only “broke guys” make Whatsapp calls and so shouldn’t be taken seriously. What happened next was an uproar from both camps of the argument, complete with hilarious comments in tow.

This leads us to wonder what life was like before Whatsapp hit the relationship scene? How were couples getting their love game on back then? Seriously, how were our parents coping?

But jokes aside, Whatsapp has become a significant component of millennial dating with pros and cons attached. Check out some of the factors to consider:

To call or not to call

Remember our recent post on Love Languages? In it, we explained how getting gifts makes some people feel extra special, knowing they were worth the sacrifice. Airtime calls – over Whatsapp calls – can also mean the same to a person (case in point, Toke Makinwa). Some don’t see it as a big deal, however, and that’s why both partners must clearly communicate their wants and expectations to reach an agreement.

This is a special post to the men who love their girlfriends and live to see them smile. On behalf of these ladies, we appreciate you for trying to learn how they think with some online research. Read on for some insightful advice.

And husbands, don’t feel left out. Wifey will always be Girlfriend, no matter what.

1. Actions speak louder than words: It’s not enough to say “I love you”. No, romantic gestures matter more, both the small and grand. A little P.D.A. (Public Displays of Affection) never hurts – nice gifts too – so give these as often as you can.

2. She likes to feel secure: Every woman wants to know that her man has her back where security is concerned – in physical, emotional and even financial matters. She wants to know that you will keep her safe to the best of your abilities.

Presenting our list of 9 things most Nigerian single babes consider TRUTH. Read,  reflect and stay woke!

1. That the pressure to marry in Naija is high: But so is the divorce rate, so keep your cool. Live your life, enjoy your season and make the most of life as each day comes.

2. That some guys have no chill, sense or a healthy mix of both: Where do we begin with this? From ridiculous chauvinist demands to brain dead comments, thumbs-down guys seem to be in high supply these days.

Let’s talk about taking breaks in relationships…

Every once in a while, we think of taking a break. But then, the fear of having everything fall apart or having to admit that we failed scares us. Now, before we go deeper into this post, understand that there is no rule that applies to every relationship. This may seem a little opinionated but then again, we represent a small group.

One of the reasons we believe people dread breaks is because it often leads to the end of the relationship. 8 out of 10 times, after the break they never get back together. In our opinion, this is because the breaks have no time limit, purpose and guiding rules.

First of all, why do breaks even come up? Sometimes the relationships get so overwhelming and it feels like you cannot deal with it anymore. Different things and emotions might have led you to that point so when you decide to take a break you need to be clear. This is where purpose comes in, what is the purpose of the break? Do you need space? Do you want to evaluate yourself? Going on a break because you just feel overwhelmed is a waste of time. Taking a break is supposed to help give you time to resolve specific issues. So, if you do not know what exactly you want, what’s the point?